Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Indian Foreign Policy for Dummies – II

This is a Level-II course on Indian Foreign Policy. Please complete Level-I before you enroll. If you already have, read away.
Bhutan: The cute little toddler who is in awe of you. He’s very good for your ego since you can indulge your fantasies by posing like a superhero in front of him. You reciprocate his adoration by pretending to treat him like an equal. The regular supply of toffees from your side keeps the relationship firmly grounded. He always seems happy and contended. Your worst nightmare is that C may entice B with bigger toys and lure him away from you.
Pakistan and Bangladesh: (Continued from Level-I) The world was once very liberal..liberal enough for you to date twins. Of a different religion. At the same time(aich!). But things then got less liberal. You wanted to get married as per the provisions of the secular uniform civil code. They thought it undermined their religion. You broke up. One of them, P, doesn’t take the break-up well. She gets addicted to all sorts of drugs and has lots of rebound-sex. Gets herpes and blames you for it. Tells everyone that you are the one who gaveher herpes. She now wants to give you herpes. So keeps throwing herpes infected needles at you. She wants to hurt you more. Dresses up and offers herself to A and C to bully you. A and C also get a bit of herpes.
The other girl, B, P’s less glamorous sister, moved in with P after the split. However, P started abusing her when they moved in together prompting your intervention to separate the two. P has never forgiven you for interfering in what she feels was a domestic squabble. B remains estranged from P, emotionally and physically scarred by P’s violence. B wants to be get back to being friends with you though. She’s nice but has a bit of bipolar disorder. She is currently perfect for you, often helping out with your assignments. But she’s messy and leaves her things scattered in your place. But you need her. She needs you. But you are too messed up to realize that. Suffering awaits.
Nepal: That joint family living in the small house between two large apartments. Head of the family took ill recently leaving the four brothers to fight for the spoils. They fight over who gets to head the family business. You are like the neighborhood aunt who interferes and tries to fix the problems in all the families. Some of the brothers hate you for that. You tell them nicely not to fight. They listen to you because you lend them money sometimes and also because they are scared of you. They stop fighting and each one becomes CEO for a quarter till they figure out whom to make the permanent CEO but struggle to reach consensus. It’s a truly messed up family. You smile and say you only want what’s best for them as long as it is also best for you…
Sri Lanka: You love birds. You have many species of birds, including parrots. In fact, everyone appreciates the diversity of your collection. S was once a good friend who, like you, has been through troubled times. S also has parrots living with him. You are bound together by your love for parrots.
Then, for some reason, after the troubled times ended, S lost interest in parrots. He started mistreating them. Some Parrots got very agitated and started attacking him. You tried to pacify the parrots but some violent parrots poked you in the eye. You got angry and looked away while S put down the violent parrots.
Both of you want to be friends again. You want S to treat the parrots well. You offer to build nice nests for them.  But S finds it difficult to forget the violent parrots and forgive the rest of them. You are still trying to workout a compromise.
But you both share other common interests also. Recently, he sought your help with his science project. You sat on the offer, twiddling your thumbs and whining about issues. Suddenly, C barged in, completed the whole project and also built a telescope for him. Now you are scared bully C is watching you with the telescope fromS’s house.
Maldives: That beautiful girl you once saved from drowning. You hoped she would fall in love with you for that but she sees you as just a fat horny boy with a bleak future, so friend-zones you[Ouch!]. Recently, she complained of a head-ache and you offered her a laxative. She wasn’t impressed and threw away your friendship band. She’s now flirting with that muscular boy C. You are both scared and jealous.
Afghanistan: P’s glamorous cousin brother. You are very, very scared of him because he is violence prone and doesn’t get intimidated by size or wealth. P wants to use him as an ally in her fight with you but he is a bit of a loose cannon. Came out of a skirmish with R with a few broken bones and then got into a brawl with A which has left him bedridden. Both P and you are locked in competition in vying for his goodwill. When he was in deep coma, you arranged for his hospitalization and paid for his medicines. You pray that he remembers how good you have been to him and doesn’t pick up a fight with you after he becomes fully fit.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

A note on being a sports fan in India

I belong to a country where people have their opinion in every matter on the face of the earth. The country where cricket is considered a religion, football a reason to fight and hockey a long lost twin of cricket. And not to mention Anand who is known as grandfather of chess (oops! it should have been grand master), Sania a face of beauty, Mary Kom a very strong woman and Sushil Kumar (is he somehow related to Khali?)

Anyways, that was not a full description of sports fanatic country. As far as I am concerned I belong to a group which follows cricket. I wake up early in the morning to check the scores when there's a match going on in Australia and stay late to follow the match happening in West Indies but sleeps when India is playing in India. One may ask why? Boss! it's simple; these players loves Indian ground, give them any target to chase they will do it nonchalantly. Why should I waste my time watching the match, they are going to win it anyways ;)

Cricket runs on an Indian's blood. But football and hockey are shoved down the throat at every given opportunity. Make no mistake of blaming anyone here. Indians are born tad lazy (exceptions are there), football, basketball are not their cup of tea. We are champions in cricket and chess. Bengal my place of birth is the epicenter of football in India. Mohun Bagan, East Bengal & Mohammedan Sporting club were the front runner clubs of India since the beginning of last century. Hockey keeps us reminding every now and then that they are the national sports of the country every now and then as their golden days are history and glorious days are yet to come.

Every 4 years Olympics act as a reminder, it comes with a green lantern and a ring more powerful than the one shown in Lord of the rings movie which makes cricket invisible for that short period of time. It is difficult to fathom how well it reminds us that there are other sports too in this world, there are other awesome athletes and sportsperson which deserves our attentions.

Rooting for the same team brings a sense of togetherness and creates an immediate sense of family. Watching sports can pump up your own workout and help you to burn your calories when you jump, cheer and clap during the showtime. A person may not be knowing if there exists a club called Shillong Lajong but he may very well know the full history of Liverpool football club. English premiere league is the most watched league in India. Since support is not backed by the sense of region the fight between the supporters of two teams is not as fierce when it comes to cricket. Indian and Pakistan cricket fans fight with their heart in the mouth because they know that the arguments they are presenting to win the debate may backfire and can be used against them. Lack of tennis players in India have transferred the support to foreign players. Supporting a basketball team is rare. Golf and chess is still there due to the brilliance of one or two individuals.

Being a fan is not always beautiful and it is not always about being happy and shrieking in success. We have to deal with the defeat of our team and debate against a fan of superior team. Sometimes lack of statistics/victories put us under the cone of shame. There are times when we have to deal with stubborn supporters of oppositions and those are the tough times because after that there is no clear winner of the debate, that just drains out the energy.